The new Dove Advertising Campaign video has gone viral. It was released on YouTube 4/14/2013, and after 4 days has had over 7 million views. The Ad itself is a social experiment where women described themselves to a forensic sketch artist. Then strangers described the same women to the artist. The side by side portraits are telling of how we as women are harsher on ourselves than others are of us. What is it that this ad is touching on that has us so interested? Well, working as a Counselor for the past 14 years, I see this message over and over in my office. A women’s self-esteem is directly relatable to her satisfaction in romantic relationships. Read More…
This question is often asked of me, “What are the things I need to know if I suspect infidelity in my relationship?” Most people are wanting more intimacy in their relationship, others are wanting to know so they can drop the relationship and move on.
I’ve included several articles that will give you information about some next steps to consider.
I’d like to share a metaphor with you in which you can visualize what I am trying to say. Nature has examples that are helpful illustrations of this concept. I call it “the eye of the storm metaphor.” If you look at weather pictures from a satellite of a hurricane you can see a swirling mass of clouds and destructive chaos where ever it lands on the ground. In the center, “the eye” of the storm is a haven of peace and calm. The eye is protected from the storm brewing all around the eye. I believe this is where our recovery goals are located. Staying centered pulling ourselves back into the center of our experience keeps us safe from the chaos of the storm.
This means when you are defending and blaming others you are choosing to be in the midst of the storm. You are making sure you are unable to attain a sense of peace and serenity for yourself. You are choosing the storm over the centered calm of the “eye”. Remember, you do have a choice to be in the chaos, and be pushed around by life events and messes. Or, you can make a choice to be centered, accept responsibility for your own life and emotional experience and retreat into the “eye” of calmness.
Life is messy and chaotic when you depend on the approval of others. It is much easier to maintain serenity when you take responsibility for your internal experience, without blaming those around you. Try this at home: For one day, try to focus on being in the “eye” when others are in chaos. Detach from your approval seeking an see what happens.
Peace and Blessings to each of you,
If you would like more information like this you can follow me on twitter, sign up for my newsletter , or contact me at my website www.woodlandpathways.com Sincerely, Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT (Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist)
4 things to consider before making a life long commitment
What is husband material anyways? If you are single and looking for Mr. Right, this question probably has crossed your mind more than a few times. If you are a romantic, you will want to feel the sparks and fireworks every time you are together. If pragmatic, you have a list of attributes that you are looking for and dismiss men who don’t live up to your expectations. In reality, each approach will need to be somewhat accommodating to include real human beings with strengths and weaknesses.
So let’s consider how to look for the best traits for a lifelong partner. READ MORE…
Ways you can help a loved one when they are feeling suicidal
Tragedy strikes and we wonder what happened. How can a talented country singer with two small children take her own life? In the aftermath of Mindy Mcready’s apparent suicide, many close friends, family members and fans are all asking the same question, ”Why?” We can never know for sure why she did it. A better question may be how can we help those who are in despair? How can we prevent others from committing suicide?
First let’s try to understand what may be happening for people who attempt or commit suicide and look at ways you can help.
Mindy’s boyfriend had died by apparent suicide in the same home in which she was living. Her children had been taken into foster care for their safety. She has home alone where a horrendous trauma had occurred one month prior.
If you are asking yourself, is he cheating? You probably know something is off in your relationship. Learning to trust yourself and what you know to be true is the key to your self-esteem. Often women will accept the cheaters cover up and lies, questioning their own reality. It is a brave question to ask, Is he cheating? It means you are beginning to question what he says and what you know to be true of his behavior and attitude towards you.
Facing the reality of your relationship is a difficult place to be, it requires the very real loss of your idea of the relationship. On the positive side, it also can help you see your relationship realistically. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Asking the question is he cheating, can help you to define what is really going on in the relationship. It also gives you an opportunity to decide what you want to do for your self-esteem. Life and relationships are messy.
Do you find it hard to let yourself be vulnerable in a relationship? Fear of intimacy is the main reason people do not open up emotionally with another person. I define intimacy as feeling safe with another person when you expose who you are to them. Intimacy involves protecting your loved one rather than exploiting their vulnerabilities. And when I say intimacy, I don’t just mean sex. There are a huge range of emotions and behaviors that enhance the intimacy, or deepening, of your relationship. Your own feelings are the key to discovering what intimacy-building behaviors will work for you.
If you want a closer, deeper and more emotionally safe relationship, make a decision to identify your feelings and share them with your partner. Here are a few practical tips for discovering and sharing your emotions with your partner: Read more…